The Beginning Golfer Chips Into the Hole From 50 Yards

out of the rough on the wrong side of a bunker

I wasn’t going to write this. I really wasn’t – but seriously.

I have the highest handicap at my club. (So you know I have to be humble).

In fact I have often thought over the last few years that having the highest handicap is a distinction (of sorts).

I am not a good golfer

I am just trying hard.

This is for all of the beginning golfers out there. This is what keeps us coming back. The good shot.

It can happen to you.

And don’t let those snobby good golfers get you down. We are nipping at their heels!

-ps. several holes later the golf pro pulled up in his golf cart, probably checking out the pace of play, just in time to watch me laboring away at my steep walled bunker shot. It wasn’t pretty. I did get out but it took three tries.

arggh. . .

The Amazing New Golf Ball Trick

I think I have finally figured out a way to put my lost golf balls to good use. Now any of you who might have read my previous golf posts know that losing golf balls is probably my greatest golf skill. This can get pretty expensive.

This morning however I woke up with what might be a brilliant plan. I know I’m not the first  – but it is new to me. The email newsletter from the online golf ball store in my inbox probably was a contributor but I’ve been receiving those almost daily for a few years.

If I put my business name and website address on my golf balls then losing them could be a method of advertising. No one who finds a golf ball is going to let it go to waste. At minimum it will get the business name out there and at best the random person might even look my website up out of curiosity.

Lost golf balls can pass through a lot of hands in their lifetime so there are more opportunities to get my business name out there than you could ever imagine.

And the best part? Unless some smartypants accountant out there tells me this isn’t ok I think that makes my golf balls a business expense (big grin).

note: You might assume that this post was an excuse to put the golfballs.com link on my site but believe me that was an afterthought. Honest!

If Had Stock in a Golf Ball Company I Would be Making Myself Rich

Unfortunately it wouldn’t really work that way but it was a cheering thought at the time.

I played a few holes yesterday with a friend who has just taken up golf, has had one lesson, and had never actually played on the course.

I am the perfect ambassadress at my club for this task as, almost always, I am worse than the nervous beginner. I have taken up permanent residence in the beginning golfer category and it’s likely that I will be a lifetime member.

So what is a few gazillion balls.

My friend’s husband gave her three balls to play with. Even if you are good you know that’s not going to be enough to make it past, say, the first hole. I assured her I had a bunch in my bag so it would be ok.

Of course we lost, between us, all of those and most of mine. I am not going to tell you how many holes we played (it was not 18).

She had an absolutely amazing last hole – truly. Nice drive, respectable score, played all the way into the hole. This is pretty amazing stuff for your first time out. Contact with the ball at that stage is a pretty big deal actually.

So we arrived back at the clubhouse and my friend asked her husband why he had only given her three balls.

He said, “Did you lose them?” Of course she replied yes.

“That’s why I only gave you three balls he said.”

The beginners among us will still never manage to lose the number of balls our respective husbands have lost over their lifetimes. This I know for sure.

Beginners Golf Tips Part One

I am a beginning golfer so I know what I’m talking about here. I have first-hand experience.

1) If you have the highest handicap at your club brag about it. I do. It’s the only thing I excel at in golf.

Handicap, noun: a number inverse to talent – measured by a random sample of your last few scores

2) If you play fast the others won’t hate you. Usually this means sheepishly picking up your ball after the 7th whack or so.

3) Smile a lot. No one tells you this but its not about the ball. Its about playing fair and not sulking.

4) If they tell you no one cares don’t believe it. They do. And they are talking about your bad swing and your poor drive off of the first tee too. Try to tell yourself that you have a life and feel sorry that they don’t. (refer back to number 3)

5) Depending on your club’s policies you probably aren’t going to feel sexy in those clothes. Get over it.

Golf

I decided to put golf in the really random stuff category because that is where it belongs. No other sport is as serious a threat to the waterways.

Let me explain. Golf balls and golf clubs have a natural affinity for beach and water. I don’t say that merely because the course I usually play on is located near the sea. Deep in the heartland of America golf balls seek out water hazards and sand traps. Not just my balls either.

Shouldn’t we be concerned? I don’t see soccer balls or basketballs or baseballs in there. Ever.

And don’t forget the number of people who out of sheer frustration have tossed their unfaithful clubs (sometimes whole golf bags) in the water too.

I’m thinking they must want to be there and maybe we should just make our golf equipment happy and turn golf into a water sport.